Unexplainable feeling

I feel stressed. Yes. This is the fact that I'm stressed. I can't even explain what and how is the exact feeling I feel. I've been trying to be relax and let everything go naturally in my days lately, but it's hard sometimes to free my mind from my stressful thoughts.

In a couple of days, I'm going back home. The other times, I felt not going back home. I have to admit that I enjoy my days here spending most of my time by myself, doing whatever I like and I love, learning how to cook better and better, going around and shopping also by myself, and having quality times with my man. These make me feel staying here longer. But, I know that still I must go back home.

Thinking over about how my life will be after this makes me crazy. Should I look for jobs (again) in Surabaya with low salary? Sigh! Should I apply for a working holiday visa so that I'm able to be back here? How long would it take to do LDR (again) with my man? These questions have been poppping up in my mind. Oh geez, I pray that all the best ways in my life now and later will be it unto You. I might not be strong, but I'm not either gonna let myself down due to my fears. Everytime I had a chat with my mom, she always told me to keep thinking positively and taught me not to worry a lot. In this condition, I wish that I could have my mom physically around me hugging me.

Well, it's 4 days to go. I'm coming home.